upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize
