my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
