Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
