my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
