I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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