plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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