There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
