Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
