After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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