my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
