what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
