You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I don't deserve a penis
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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