Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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