I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
