sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
