the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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