sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
