3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
