You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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