Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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