Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
