Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
