i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
