How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
