the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
