I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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