I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
