There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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