um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
