She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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