I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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