I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
