whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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