i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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