It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
