I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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