the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I lost the right to judge tonight
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
