If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
