Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
