dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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