Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...

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(773): View more from Illinois

I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.

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(410): View more from Maryland

remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.

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(410): View more from Maryland

i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"

(913): View more from Kansas

did you yell "are you not entertained?"

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(858): View more from California

I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.

(619): View more from California

you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS

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(817): View more from Texas

They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.

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(630): View more from Illinois

And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."

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(315): View more from New York

The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.

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(517): View more from Michigan

I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.

(734): View more from Michigan

I always knew youd fuck a cat lady

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