You're so nebulous sometimes
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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