for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize