If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Congratulations! We have a period
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