peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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