Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
smell my finger.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
