I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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