and you said cock pushups were impossible
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
