I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Randomize
