seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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