I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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