i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
