I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
