I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
