My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
