god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
