last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Less talking, more tequila
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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