R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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