im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
