Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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