my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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