he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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