we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
