just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You made out with two different species that night
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
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