she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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