Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
