She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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