what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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