when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
