theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
