oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize