I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
