Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
