Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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