I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Randomize
