i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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