pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
