there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
