what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
