Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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