Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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