I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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