FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
