I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
