im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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