Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
