Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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