Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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