I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
