I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
