No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize