please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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