I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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